State Of Emergency

my stomach hurts so fucking bad
i hate this food

i feel like i'm going to implode

TABLEAU VIVANT








death

** I have pages and pages of ramblings, scribbles, and jumbles of words... and I always have to google the words because I lose the line between my words and inspirational quotes that I write down. Often times I find out their mine and go "WOW! I wrote that?!" I'm so Lame.

( just documenting )

Life is so monotonous here. It drives me absolutely crazy! Here, as I sit in my dorm room, tv always droning in the backgroud, my thoughts reel through my head, too many to keep clear. As my mind turns, inspiration comes to me, but can I make the inspiration into a reality? There are no places to explore. And now that the flakes are beginning to fall, that means I'm going to be stuck indoors more often then not. Yes its constantly a social event, there are so many people here. But they are all in the same boat as me, nothing else to do except party and study. maybe I haven't found my niche yet... I hope i do soon. because right now, i'm stuck in a rut. I hate complaining... because I really do have a ton of fun here, but its always the same thing. Back home, if I needed inspiration or a place to create, I had a long list of favourite places to go. Here...? Theres one place... and its full of people smoking pot. Oohhh college.

okokokok
ok
okok
ok

ooooooooooooooooooook

on this page of my livejournal i have written fuck 29 times
this one makes it thirty


i cuss so much
it's expressive and i like it
i want to go to sleep at this very moment
buttttttttttttttttttt
i have to continue to search campus for a color printer
and i have to get my portfolio together
i SHOULD clean my room
but i doubt that i actually will


fuck this

31

life is so fucking conventional
i hate it
i hate money
why do i hate everything
shit

i'm bored
i'm back in alfred
and no one else is

i think i'm going to patch my backpack for lack of anything better to do
shit maybe i'll make a new pocket
that could be cool..

thanksgiving sucks

i want to take a nap

and shower

if you didn't keep telling me that next time i come home you will help me pay for a car, i wouldn't be here being miserable right now
i think i might just buy a piece of shit car
but i don't want to waste my money
if it's a piece of shit
fuck it
i don't know what to do with myself
i shouldn't be in this shit town right now
i should have just gone to new jersey
i'm stupid
i can't get a car
why did i think that
i don't have the money
how the hell can i escape for specific short periods at a time with no fucking money besides get a car
i'm fucking stupid
this fucking sucks
i need to get the hell out of here.



haa mike mosher just called me
i can predict what will happen for the rest of this break
it's nice to have someone who hates this town just as much as i do
i have no fucking idea why he keeps coming back
that's just beyond me

alright
this fucking sucks.
i need to get out of here before this place really starts to crawl underneath my skin

good thing i have so many places to go

i'm bored and hungry
i want to go back to alfred

get me the fuck out of binghamton